There is something inherently disturbing about your prof signing off an email with, “Stay dry”

ARIES, taurus, gemini, virgo, scorpio & aquarius signs will be impacted the most in November... there’s an emphasis on connection & new opportunities leading you to celebration🍾 key to learn from the lessons in your past to move forward to a better & much brighter future✨

NORMAL RACISM IS BACK YALL

You’re sweet, but I only matched with you during a major depressive episode.

Things that boost my serotonin: Masturbation, Taco Bell, Duolingo. In that order.

This guy is asking me to go on a brunch first date...like right now?? Right now??? Like just get up and go to brunch??

Me: No the microdose capsules don’t get you high. Also me: How long have I been staring at this lamp?

Not me crying to Carrie & Lowell before 9am

I just got an ornament with my weed delivery??

I want to be famous solely so I can take cyberbullying my city council to another level