Does Santa know a "candy cane" is just a big ass mint?

Hey all, hope you're good. Any tips on taking your headphones out of your pocket without spilling all the loose cleanex you've got in there? Thanks!

A booger is French / Seafood.

Went away for two weeks and when I got back to the apartment it was like lord of the flies because of there were so many flIes.

NO I DIDNT READ IT

Isn't it so cool how I eat eggs every night standing up in the middle of the room? Applying for NXNE

Hey baseball fans!! What's a "sack butt"?

Hey guys, what's it called when you Airbnb your butthole and your penis?

LOS ANGELES, WE ARE DOING THIS FOR YOU. sunset.ucbtheatre.com/performance/43… UCB SUNSET, MON JAN 11, 830 PM

You know what? I'm 29 years old. And every year I still keep learning and getting better at wiping my bum bum.

Uncle died. I've got this guy staying at my house who says he's my "new uncle". Didn't know that was how it worked. FYI 4 u guys re: uncles.

Nothing to be terrified of so far! New Uncle rules! He'll "stay in the basement and I don't have to ask about what he's doing down there!"

Re-watching Titanic. Don't care much for the little flash backs but I Looooove the Bill Paxton stuff.

Loving The Knick. Such a great show, but I farted just now and if I don't turn off The Knick I'm gonna straight up barf.

I get most of my confidence from bragging about my migraines

Ughghhh!!!...If another guy mansplains 'all lives matter' to me...

Wanna wake Dr.Seuss up in the middle of the night and ask him why he's trying to make me look like an idiot in front of my kid

1991?, respect, sorry.

Saw a guy w a blazer on with a t- shirt underneath and the t shirt had a skull. Is that permitted?

#FilmStruck4 I am ashamed I love Cold Mountain Nobody Cares About Cold Mountain.