Nobody: Absolutely nobody: Every comedian who was reasonably popular five years ago: "I'm going to do a podcast with my wife!"

Is this REALLY why people voted Reform UK?! #ReformUK #reform #farage #nigelfarage

So do Trump supporters still think that 'grab them by the pussy' was locker room talk? He was talking about molesting children. #maga #TrumpPedoFiles #trump #EpsteinFiles #EpsteinCoverup #TrumpEpsteinCoverup #TrumpPedofilo #Epstein

I love this show. They are like "I am really worried that our relationship might be over" Relationship? He is a waiter that you fucked on holiday, love... #90dayfianceuk #90DayFiance

Some of the people on this have questionable motives, but Phin is by far the worst. Sandra grew up in an orphanage, but he thinks that it is ok to openly reject her kids and family? He wants to be 'Mr Bonkers', but is actually a nasty cunt. Fuck that guy. #90dayfianceuk

Ooh - Mete is going to propose. I reckon it will go like: Mete: "The Shannon. Will you the my wife dahleeng?" Shannon: "Wife yes be will I like very much" #90DayFianceUK #90dayfiance

The title 'Cooking with the Stars' makes it sound really elegant and razzmatazz. Turns out you get to see a bloke off Capital Radio making shit donuts. Oh, the glamour. #cookingwiththestars #cwts

Was the 6 word statement "ain't messing with no broke ni***s"? #torode #johntorode #masterchef #masterchefuk express.co.uk/celebrity-news…

John Torode just said wet, hard, sloppy and salty in the same sentence. That's it - I'm calling Childline. #masterchef #masterchefuk

Gon needs to win this just because his cookbook titles will write themselves. An afternoon recipe book called Gon To Lunch.... a pescaparian one called Gon Fishing.... a 'quick meal' one called Gon in 60 Seconds... Sign me up. #MasterChef #masterchefuk

You've got to give it to Ebrima. He sleeps on a mattress on the floor, shits in a hole in the ground, and spends all day wandering around wearing a size 10 hat on his size 4 head, yet he is still knee-deep in fanny. That kind of thing takes talent. #90dayfianceuk #90dayfiance

This show aims to prove that looks don't matter. So why do they all look like models? All of the girls have botox.All of the guys have slip-on shoes and no socks. Everyone has a gym body and Turkey teeth Chuck in some tubby uggers.Spice it up a bit. #LoveIsBlindUK #loveisblind

I remember going for picnics as a kid in Essex. "Mother! Mother!" I would cry "don't forget the confit egg yolks" Yet she always did. Bad times. #MasterChef #masterchefuk

Phin finds out that Sandra's ex has been invited to a family barbecue. "There isn't three people in this relationship - there is two. Me and Sandra. And maybe a cat." AND HER TWO KIDS, YOU ABSOLUTE FUCKING CRETIN. #90DayFianceUK #90dayfiance

Just imagine explaining @Masterchef in the years to come. "I took part in the most prestigious cooking contest on British televison" "Oh really? Wow. Sounds seriously impressive. What did you have to do?" "I cooked a nonce some apple crumble" Da YeenjaUK

I love the holiday part of #LoveIsBlindUK They are rolling around with each other in a sun-kissed paradise and professing undying love, whilst we sit here safe in the knowledge that, in around 3 weeks, they will be bickering about not putting their cereal bowl in soak.

I'm sitting here with the Mrs watching #loveisblinduk I was quite shocked when one of their dads turned out to be Jimmy Bullard Couldn't make it up.

Roisin Canary? Do they keep her in a mine in order to detect gas? mirror.co.uk/tv/tv-news/bre…

Javen should be celebrated. He is walking proof that it is possible to be successful with women even if you have all the personality of a spit-drenched rag. #loveisblind #loveisblinduk

Aanu has showed up. #loveisblind #loveisblinduk