CHIEF: dracula is in our sights. Take the shot! SNIPER: I can't, Sir. I'm Woke! ME (watching through binoculars): He's woke! He wont do it!

I could be having the worst day ever then I’ll see the latest JD Vance edit and all is right in the world. Each one is a blessing from god

Grown man voice: my friend from video games is gonna beat you up

that’s JD Vance

'one time, I swear to god, he reached towards my face and before you know it, there's my nose, right in the middle of his fingers. just this tiny little nose and he was waving around in the air. truly beautiful, a special boy'

2 Passion 2 Christ

this is shaping up to be the best day on Twitter since he got Covid, and in the long term, will probably be the second best day on Twitter of all time

reminder that this all started with him carrying a sink

this is like kendrick vs drake but with two drakes

nice to see all the gang back on Twitter for one day ❤️

Tell us he wears a wig, you friendless gimp

Days like this only come around once every few years. Embrace it. Cherish it. We deserve this

I just drank my first beer and it feels amazing to hit weaker people with my fists

Tiny Chef, we have a tiny offer 👀

If I was fresh out of losing one of the most high-profile rap rivalries of all time I simply would not draw abs on myself with a sharpie

Every day I ask my daughter what she did at school and the answer is always, “Just the usual”. Received her end of year report and there’s a photo of her in a full beekeeper’s outfit surrounded by bees holding a shitload of honey.