I wanna go to walmart in a full clown getup, not say a single word, and look the cashier in the eyes as I buy nothing but a bike horn.

I want to make an account called "Cursed Fish."

In some animals, after the female gives birth, the male will immediately kill them so he can keep fuckin her, and it just goes to show how beautiful nature really is.

It’s Northern England, the year 1156: Two days ago, a rat ate a hole through my foot in my sleep. My wife called the doctor. He arrived in a bird mask, poured salt into the hole, told me the pain was cause I had demons, prayed, then left. Now I’m dying and another rat ate anothe

Why tf do women have so many pills?

The slapping sound in porn is a foley artist slapping chickens together. Google it.

The trident is the superior home defense weapon. If I’m robbing some mf and he has the balls to come at me with 2 meter long, sharp metal trident I’m gonna gtfo.

CYo why do Christians have to listen to some fuckin U2 ass 4 chord guitar CMaj "aueueaeEWEEU" when muslims are getting turnt? youtu.be/7bp1ZoPO3AM?t=…

recovering from a severe sunburn rn and I got that 𝐹𝓇𝑒𝓈𝒽𝓁𝓎 𝓅𝑒𝒶𝓁𝑒𝒹 ℕ 𝕆 𝕊 𝔼

Ran over a dead beaver with my car.

Listen bro, I’m like in the women’s underwear isle at Walmart and it’s a bit of a sensory overload right now. I’ll call you back.

Instead of saying “I’m gonna let this dry,” which is sexist to women and vaginas because they get wet, instead start saying “I’m gonna marinate this in oxygen for a few minutes” to be more pro-women and pro-vaginas

Father ! I cannot click the book !

Стоять

“Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” -puts recipient above you (weak) -asking for permission (skiddish and unassertive) -beta “Listen here, cockhead:” -degrades listener thoroughly (powerful) -doesn’t ask, just takes (assertive) -alpha

“A man who has never tasted his own cum can never be a real man.”

Just stepped on my balls while walking

I had a nightmare that I was in high school again and I had to learn italian and the teacher was one of those “leviOsa” assholes. I failed the class and took a GPA hit cause it “didn’t have the right energy to it.”

youtu.be/9C77c-9q5bM kids born in the late 2010’s are gonna grow up thinking this video was a fever dream.