I guess the Superior Race has won

The guys in red are a bunch of useless cocks!

Why do mental women have big boobs?

Why do all deaf people sound the same?

Invite come through for #royalwedding. 1 guest, got to decide who to take.Chubster Chris Moyles Show will eat everything there if I take him.

I hope this cock in the yellow T-Shirt FAILS! #thecube

He will fail. I've just passed on a message to my Producer with strict instructions. I just can't have his sort winning. #thecube

Uh Oh, just had Holly Willoughby on the phone during break. She's threatening to call into Jeremy Kyle Show for a DNA test. The kids not mine!

Sorry, poor grammar. Getting a BJ from a student and tweeting will do that. It's her last day tomorrow..shhh... I'm gonna tell her as I cum!

Off to Jonathan Ross for a BBQ. Must remember my Ray Bans so I can stare at his Mrs' tits all afternoon.

Right, thats Christ nailed to the cross. Now it's time for beers. Hurry up Jonathan Ross you mop haired twat.

Tits! Chubby chub-chub Not Chris Moyles has turned up. Empty handed of course. He's got chocolate all over his face... how did he find me?

Ah... Amanda Holden has found out it's not actually chocolate. He's been eating Eamonn Holmes OBE shit.

Jesus! In a taxi on the way home. It's all gone a bit Michael Barrymore Jonathan Ross party. #maleRape

U-N-F-U-C-K-I-N-G-B-E-L-I-E-V-I-B-L-E #thecube crew have been nominated for a #BAFTA. Without me the show wouldn't exist. They win. No job!

At last! A royal stamp I can crack one off to!

The royal wedding was lovely, had me reaching for the tissues... To wipe up my spunk from wanking over Kate Middleton

Looks arnt everything, but you can't wank over personality.

In a car wash having a wank over a picture of me I have in my wallet! #livethedream

Just released, Tenerife murder victims name, Edna Moore!