I was a chinese spy balloon

Seducing my chihuahua into eating probiotics I’ve sprinkled into his primal chicken nuggets. Thät’s Dazs.

I want to play Prism Suze in the biopic

A lollipop is a speed trap

First time doing a fartlek to Kurt Weill

Every chapter is titled with a city followed by a zip code in the book Jason Priestley: A Memoir

The most haunting words anybody ever punished me with are “there are twenty four hours in a day”

Thank you World War One for the opportunity #AcademyAwards

I wrote this song with my friend butterfinger #AcademyAwards

Champagne carpet: She could be a farmer in those clothes

Can tornados not

Do you really ain’t got no stress

End times got me like “I love you”

Did Geraldo Rivera send out a press release about boating the Erie Canal or did journalists just clamor

i never want to regret the time i spent logging into my accounts

Girls5eva season 3 has dropped on Netflix. Here’s Erin Markey as my wife 👄