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Winter pedicures should be covered by insurance

Sandwich so good I had to pull up the BLT Wikipedia page while eating

24 years ago, Hoku released 'Perfect Day' for 'Legally Blonde'

time to get dressed! first things first: who am i and what do i look like?

Pi Day lowkey fell off

If you’re ordering fries from sweet green there’s something deeply rotted inside you

My contribution to March madness is “they’re really putting their whole basketballussy into it”

Some people might feel “juvenile” or “embarrassed” to be in a corporate environment with a caramel Frappuccino. And im here to subvert that shame

Actors today need to go back to the Mrs doubtfire school of wigatry

Why is instagram showing me tankinis and why are they actually kinda cute……. Recession indicator

Hello, Lovely Day Department? I’d like to file a report!

This pollen is NOT Rizz approved‼️🤧👎🏻

ice cream is going to have a moment this summer calling it now

Going to a Wendy’s with no junior bacon cheeseburgers is like a louvre with no Mona lisa

The contestants on wheel of fortune are really supportive of one another tonight :)

Nail lady realized the tv facing me had gone to sleep and said oh! Let me put something on. She found the remote and immediately, unblinkingly put on the “what happened at Auschwitz” documentary

i love the word 'also' because i'm never done talking

I may not tweet for months my new thing is the weather app

i haven’t been able to come up with tweets lately because the cat and i have been on less than ideal terms

Lucky charms taste so good when u ain’t got a bitch in ya ear telling you it doesn’t have enough marshmallows