Idk who’s watching the bachelorette rn but I’m officially no longer attracted to Bennet and I think that’s growth on my part

My Spotify wrapped just makes it so obvious that I went through a breakup.

Me: *takes sip of cranberry juice* My brain: “ah yes, virgin vodka cran”

Somebody tell me why I’m cryin in the club right now #bachelorette

The way I screamed “FUCK OFF” when she said “...it’s more than that” #thebachlorette

If you do a night shift, is drinking wine in the morning before you go to sleep still alcoholism? Asking for a friend

If you ever had to write a long message about him on your notes app, he ain’t the one sis

I think about this every single day

*My dad explaining the importance of maximizing my RRSPs and putting money into a TFSA to plan for my future* My brain:

Serena C’s smug little face when Katie’s suitcase was picked up made my blood BOIL I tell you #TheBachelor

They’re just gonna bully Heather next week and Katie is not there to save her #TheBachelor

This season of #TheBachelor is just the Stanford prison experiment with fancy dresses

Gerald and his vegetables are the only thing that bring me joy rn

At this point it’s like... why NOT eat a fistful of shredded cheese, y’know?

I used to think the “biological clock” was bullshit but I’m about to turn 25 and I just started having the overwhelming desire to nurture something ... so I bought 13 plants and renewed my IUD

Just like anybody else... except for the young guy we killed.

I feel like if you can’t admit that you sucked as a person in other stages of your life, you probably still suck

Tried to find the gym and google maps is out here praying for my downfall

“sorry I responded late to your email I was unjustifiably terrified of opening it”

receiving a word document written in comic sans feels like an assault to my senses