I so need a Beetlegoose.

I'm sitting next to a Lincoln impersonator at the airport bar. He's watching MSNBC reporting on yesterday's assassination attempt. This is easily the most surreal thing I've ever witnessed.

MR UGLY DUCK DECLARES TRUMP EVIL ENOUGH 2 MURDER

"ALL BLACK PEOPLE LOOK HAITIAN" - AL SHARPTON

U TELL EM AL HAITI IS A WONDERFUL COUNTRY NOT A SHITHOLE COUNTRY N WE SHOULD B AGHAST THAT WE'RE MALICIOUSLY SHIPPING HAITIANS OVER HERE BY THE 10S OF THOUSANDS IT'S LIKE THE SLAVE TRADE ALL OVER AGAIN

STARTING 2 THINK ONLY INNOCENT PEOPLE NEED 2 WORRY ABOUT THE FBI

AFTER A PARENT ASSASSINATION OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT AUTHORITIES R CONCERNED ABOUT A CHILD ASSASSINATION OF THE FORMER PRESIDENT NEXT

HEYOOOOOOOO

GONNA B HARD 2 TOP THIS ONE

THESE BRAZEN IN-UR-FACE LIES NEED 2 END