I’m sooo happy I’m not smart so I can watch my little sci-fi shows without caring if the details are glaringly offensively wrong

not our uber driver putting on jai ho bc we’re going to a diwali party

siri play werewolf bar mitzvah

unfortunately friend it will Not

How about one of you disrupts the Allen wrench industry ok how about that

every time someone asks me to write them an email or help them submit a bid they should have to tell me how much they make

Wearing lingerie to Peter Luger lunch like a freak bitch

This world does not want for Aries women

Just remembered I used to tell people that I was going to peak at 31 so I have about uhhh 47 hours to prepare

Just met a woman at this Long Island restaurant who said her first husband was born in Sicily and his sisters’ Italian names were Communista and Socialista

nice to know other people have been on the receiving end of this and v funny that apparently there is a universal script. we should unionize, gals

bisexual pride month is watching the tonys while ur boyfriend plays zoom DnD with his friends

like i won’t even get to vote for zohran??? crazy and rude

may have gotten sunburned through my clothes but today I VOTED FOR THE BEST GUYS AROUUUND Zohran Kwame Mamdani #1 AND Chi Ossé !!!!! GO NEW YORK GO NEW YORK GO!!!

shout out to the folks who came out to see John mulaney Jon Stewart and Pete Davidson last night and then walked out yelling “fuck you jon!” when Stewart make a Trump joke yall are the backbone of this dumbassery

Uber driver asked if I like music and before I could tell him to put on whatever he likes said “I got this” and put on a 30-second clip of a k-pop cover of “I can buy myself flowers” and has played it on repeat without comment for the entirety of our thus-far 20-minute drive

It’s nice to know there are still kids who scream “kamehameha” in the street while their parents just stand there, sad

I really respect that the b52 is a herd animal. only shows up with a friend. Or two or three