i just caught @jaredparisss posted up in the closet of our workplace with the lights off. he was trying to relax for the rest of his lunch. it’s giving wise, mysterious janitor vibes

sometimes i think back on when @jaredparisss was my roommate and all i really remember aside from it being massively chill was that when he was half asleep and had to get out of bed he would haphazardly stomp around like a damn t-101 and honestly?? not mad at it. v entertaining

thinking about him

my sister told our cat to shut up and then we both started singing songs with the phrase “shut up” her: shut up by simple plan me: right now by korn i feel this is an accurate representation of our personalities

i need to stop trying to buy tarot decks every time i’m sad 🥴

i will never have more audacity than when a man hands me his debit card at the bar

justin long walked so michael cera could run

“i wanna ride a shield like a skateboard down the stairs if helm’s deep while firing arrows at the orcs” “roll with disadvantage” “two nat 20s” “GOD DAMMIT LEGOLAS”

if my ranger rolls a shitty stealth check just for our fucking goliath barbarian to get a nat 20 on his i am going to EAT MY DICE

DM: this character is done, he’s served his usefulness and i had to make him up to get you guys out of a prison that you WERENT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE IN party: NO WE LOVE HIM AND YOU GAVE HIM A NAME DM: fine. roll persuasion me: nat 20. fuck you. our druid now has 2 characters

just explained the concept of a “scary dog friend” to my mom she said “i need one of those but i guess i’ll settle for a scary daughter”

i reinstalled this app to humbly request that Larian Studios gives me a romancable minsc at their earliest convenience. they are creating art and i would like to appreciate every piece of it thank u

the entire four days i’ve spent on this cruise ship has just been me trying to figure out if this guy is bautista or not bc even his tattoos are in the same places i fear i will never know the answer

our druid just turned into an acid frog and tongue punched a cloaker’s fart box from the inside anyway y’all should try dnd sometime

hey i guess i could tell x or twitter or whatever when i’m live (which is rn) twitch.tv/deadling_

it took a solid 3 minutes to get my cat to let go of my shirt so the vet could take her back to do bloodwork before they spay her. the vet said “i almost feel like a monster taking her away” at least my cat feels safe with me? 😅