brb paying money to a website so they can do shitty photoshop painting effects to my face using AI while also providing an expansive variety of pictures they can use for future facial recognition projects

PROGRAMMERS: let’s make robot AI just like us humans!!! *makes AI that is super racist, classist and has no empathy for living beings* PROGRAMMERS: uhhhh whoops?

when ur bae switches from listening to relationship podcasts to murder podcasts

BACKSTREET BOYS: ♫ show me the meaning of being lonely ME: *opens a dictionary to the word “lonely” & holds it up* here it is

sandwiches really kill it as far as holding different ingredients that taste good together between 2+ pieces of bread

Rockin’ Around in a Fetal Position Near a Christmas Tree

this new view count metric is really giving ppl the same feels as when a message they finally sent to their crush says “seen 2 hours ago”

this also counts the same for New Year's Eve

somewhere, somehow there is a stand-up comedy open mic happening and there is a comedian going "my New Year's resolution is 1080 x 1080" and they are getting booed HARD

on the West Coast is it technically still the past, is there anything anyone wants us to change before we’re in the future again

gig economy? more like GAG economy!! it makes me wanna throw-up. i’m glad i logged back in to say this

yo i know i never post on here anymore but if you live in the Portland / PDX area please come out to this showcase Helium Comedy PDX on Saturday. write down your problems, put ‘em in a box and then stand-up comedians riff jokes. thank you i love y’all. tix: portland.heliumcomedy.com/shows/205178

Hey I’m really excited for this show and it’s sincerely one of my favorite shows in Portland so you should absolutely come

come out on 3/4 for Leave Your Troubles! i’m hosting a great line-up of comedians riffing jokes about your problems that you submitted

logging back in to tell y’all that my show Leave Your Troubles will be happening monthly at @comedyslashbar in Seattle, Washington and it all starts TONIGHT 8 PM. so if you live in Portland, Oregon or Seattle, Washington you will have at least one chance a month to see it!! 😎🗳️

hey i’m over at threads too

[the future] GRANDKIDS: did it used to snow, pop-pop? GRANDFATHER: oh, did it ever!!! *pulls out tablet with 3.2 million photos of snow*