Yesterday a 9yo asked me what kind of music I listen to- country, pop, or sad

Been so depressed but randomly once I’ve had 4 glasses of wine and am hanging out with one of my comedy heroes…suddenly the light comes back

it’s lowkey funny how thunder only happens when it’s raining like..and mind you players only love you when they’re playin :/

Just texted my hairdresser asking for an appointment and treated to give myself baby bangs if they don’t reply :)

Getting some last minute gifts at the airport for my 3 month old niece

Ovulating fabergé eggs

I have no idea what is happening here but it is the best thing I’ve seen today!

Someone sent their martini back tonight because it was too strong ☺️

Just saw a girl with a ‘Brat’ bumper sticker go the wrong way down a one-way

Just watched a lady get into her car, turn on Shania Twain, hit her vape like ten times, and then reverse directly into the SUV behind her in the grocery store parking lot. California is a place

St. Paddy’s Day is Rizz approved‼️ 🍀 🤫🤔

i’m so high at home depot rn, and i have to ask where the hose at and i know ima laugh when i do

happy amy sedaris birth day

Texting all my exes in a group chat “I miss you”

Having a great time at this party bc everyone just keeps telling me how funny I am 😇

People are still lining up for cronuts in 2025 FYI

Crazy cuz me and my coworkers invented this????

Landing no flips to the kids bop version of Lucid Dreams is sooooo funny. I love them, they have no idea that they are true comedic geniuses in my world