You haven't experienced true happiness until you've eaten cereal out of a popcorn bowl. If you disagree you're lying to yourself

Nothing quite wakes you up like being blindsided by a basement dwelling megamillapede #poopedmyself

Call me a nut but this trail mix is a tad heavy on the raisins

@BrianRMcIsaac I hear once they reach 99% they're gonna occupy Walnut St

I swear Animal Planet always waits until I have finals to air majestic footage of the African wilderness

My new favorite pastime is throwing almonds into the yard and watching squirrel battle royale ensue #furry #fury

Watching sports with my mom is a continuous stream of delayed reactions, questions, utter confusion... and candy crush

So I guess my mom texts my friends now

I wish I could put what I know now into the body I had 10 years ago #unstoppable

Sometimes I start speaking in batman voice to spice things up at the dialysis clinic

My parents grew up during one of the greatest eras of music. I can't help but get offended when I see them listening to one direction

Here I am eating coffee cake and watching Puss in Boots. I think I need to reevaluate where I am in life.

I always forget how wonderfully over the top Rambo 4 is #overkill

I can't wait for Marky Mark and dinosaur transformers

Why is it so foggy downtown? I feel like Jack the Ripper is gonna jump out and knife me

I had blue steel way before Derek Zoolander

Chicago has officially entered the danger zone #airandwatershow #buzzthetower

Flash Gordon Theme Song just played on Spotify. So my Monday has taken a dramatic turn for the better

William Wallace is turning over in his grave #ScotlandDecides