My dentist insists that my dead Bluetooth does not make me a tech mogul. #dentist #blutooth #tech #entrepreneur #tycoon

After reading all the bad reviews, I don't know why i booked an appointment with that acupuncturist. Seriously, what a prick! #acupuncture #medicine #reviews #jokes

I'm currently working on an outline for a biography on Chubby Checker. It's going to have a surprise twist ending! What's your favourite plot twist that nobody saw coming? #WritingCommunity #amwriting #music #chubbychecker #twist

When I bought a motorcycle I was sure my IT skills and my tattoo-suitable quips would lead to being heavily recruited by every motorcycle gang in town. Five years later- the only gang that contacted me was the Senior Citizen Vespa Club. Phone interview Thursday. #motorcycle

What if Meryl Streep isn't actually a World class actress, but is only acting like one? #meta #acting #Oscars #mommamia #merylstreep Meryl Streep Fans

A friend gave me a pet monkey, but it is a rescue and has a history of alcoholism. I told the monkey about a playground nearby, but when i brought him he was completely devestated when he finally saw the monkey bars. #amonkeywalksintoamonkeybar #joke

On the old Batman TV show, there was a villian called The Bookworm. He didn't fly, or shoot lasers. His super power was being a really fast reader! I'd like to think that if I had such a game-changing super power, I'd use it for good not evil. #WritingCommunity

Before leaving the legal profession, I represented Cher in her divorce from Sonny. As details emerged, i found myself actually favoring her former husband, and I just couldn't take her money while I was working pro Bono. #oldjokes #bonovsbono #cher #LawSchool #lawyer

They say that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but my cardiologist says 'that's the long way'. #heart #love #surgeon #doctor #funny

Just saw the Oscars are on TV and completely blown away to learn there have been new movies in the past year. #oscars #AcademyAwards #Oscars2021

I've made some bad financial decisions over the years, but if this Ant Farm doesn't produce some crops soon I think I'm going to have to sell back the tractor. #antfarm #ants #busywork

Guys, I know that you think Werther's Original hard caramel is old people candy, but you couldn't be more wrong! I just tried one and it was so delicious that I may sneak another while enjoying today's Matlock after my afternoon nap. #candy #werthers #original #old

Editor: A book that's 2nd in a series is a sequel. If you release the 1st book later, that's a prequel. Me: Wow! Think I might have a trilogy here? Her: Not exactly... What's a book that dulls my senses and puts me to sleep? Me: ? Her: NyQuil #WritingCommunity #writing

I was glancing at my phone bill and came to the sad realization that the overwhelming majority of texts I received last month were sent from my washing machine. #popular #socialcircle #cleanclothes #whatsupdryer

I'm starting a backyard vegetable garden. Does anyone know where I can find some Beyond Meat burger seeds? #gardening #Cooking #plantbased #vegetables #Vegan

It's 2022 and I have yet to ever see kids build a snow-woman- Every single one I've seen in this male-dominated winter has been a snow-man... I can tell on account of their snowballs. #winter #storm #snowman #holidays #funny #truth #jokes