One day I want to be as cool as those guys who pee at urinals with one hand in their pocket. #goals #professionals

Thanks, @wework, for saying what needed to be said.

I forgot a dog was in the office till a dog licked my ankles. It was an odd reminder.

When your friendship reaches stalker status and your friend is totally cool with it. Rob Bloom is the best.

I get experimenting, Oreo. You gotta keep things fresh. But now you're just being an exhibitionist. thrillist.com/eat/nation/swe…

Well isn't this a lovely day? 🌞 Time for a run. 🏃🏼

Remixes are always awful.

Great new "Poo Your Own Adventure" videos from ~Pourri. Now your Tuesday is better. youtube.com/watch?v=fkJy0Z…

I've never seen a Madea movie but this Madea GPS voice on waze is great! "Hazard ahead. Don't worry. I got you, boo."

Uh-oh ATL!!! It's 70 outside! Glad to see you broke out your flannel and leather jackets for this first freeze.

When everything is all-of-a-sudden pumpkin flavored.

People who vape are the closest thing we have to angels. They're always floating around in pillowy white clouds.

Saw this article today. I'd like to think it was written about me. #NeverTrump

Guy beside me on this plane with light, yet disconcerting, BO: Thanks for choosing me to be your 4.5 hour neighbor.

I feel really old when I walk through a hotel with an empty ice bucket looking for the machine.

I'm 😡 at all of you for not telling me that I would 😂 Masterminds. youtube.com/watch?v=dw2ee5…

#GuardiansOfTheGalaxyVol2 trailer got me all kinds of excited! m.youtube.com/watch?feature=…

@toddfs Very welcome! It just totally brightened my day. Congrats on the new gig, BTW!

The moment I, in tshirt and shorts, locked eyes with the guy in scarf and pea coat and we both knew one of us was dressed foolishly.

I just saw a grown woman eating a lollipop. Huh. Didn't know that was a thing. #trendspotter