No one in college used real luggage and there you were with your nana’s old American Tourister. The next four years wrote themselves.

ruin a coworkers day by going up to them and saying “that’s not the flex you think it is” then walk away without explaining

In their newest attempt to combat bots and spam, Twitter is getting rid of tweets

if I saw a pikmin irl I would pop one in my mouth

I’m gonna do my best to describe american fast food chains from my perspective as a brit 1/?🧵

People say Twitter hasn’t declined but look at the sparkling discourse from just *3* years ago

My husband thinks he can just order me around like he's one of the cats.

The only reason I like to have company around is to have people to complain to.

you: [lighting up] me: OW MY FREAKIN EARS

Welt, I been on an elegant walk. To the town where my internshit is taking place.

I can’t remember this joke on quantum physics, it just comes and goes in waves

Part of me wants to actually see Oppenheimer. But the other, more correct part wants to piece together the film through memes

thought this dog was dissolving

This is a family friend. Please rt

Disaster Recovery Centers – LA County Recovers recovery.lacounty.gov/recovery-cente…