Dwight betrayed me once before. So this is strike two. You know what they say, fool me once, strike one, but fool me twice...strike three.

Dwight: What's the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute Bucks? Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns. #theoffice

I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this, compulsive, need, to be liked. Like my need to be praised. #theoffice

Dwight: Jim, could you please inform Andy Bernard that he is being shunned? Jim: Andy, Dwight says welcome back and he could use a hug.

Michael: Sounds like a good dentist. What's his name? (long pause) Dwight: ...Crentist. Michael: Your dentist's name is Crentist. #theoffice

Dwight: What is the greatest danger facing Dunder Mifflin? Ryan: Outsourcing and consolidation of competition. Dwight: Wrong. Flash floods.

Michael: Pam, please clear my phone lines. Pam: Certainly. Beep-boop bee-boop-boop beep beep beep boop. Okay, clear. #theoffice

Wikipedia... Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject. So you know you are getting the best possible information.

Creed: We're screwed. Michael: Who is? Creed: Us. You, me. The old-timers. Michael: I am not old. You are old. You are like a hundred.

But I'm sort of an expert at Photoshop, so it turned out fine in the end. #theoffice

I'm fast. I'm very fast. I am like Forrest Gump, except I am not an idiot. #theoffice

Holly thinks that this relationship is over... I am not going to give up that easy. I am going to make this way harder than it needs to be.

If I step on a mine in Scranton, Pennsylvania and die, you can have my job, okay? #theoffice

Michael: Well, I ran down Meredith in my car. Ryan: Ohhhh. Did you do this on purpose? Michael: No. I was being negligent.

M: I am going to steal all of your clients. And then I am going to kill them in front of you. Pam: Michael! M: I'm just getting hardcore.

A penis, when seen in the right context, is the most wonderful sight for a woman, but in the wrong context, it is like a monster movie.

Michael: What is the most inspiring thing I ever said to you? Dwight: 'Don't be an idiot.' Changed my life.

You expect to get screwed by your company, but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend. #theoffice

Friends joke with one another. "Hey, um, you're poor." "Well hey, your mom is dead." That's what friends do. It's...you're so white, Toby.

In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. #theoffice