Insanely fun Chicago weekend. I’m ice cold in the eternal war against the bookie. My tweets are no longer funny. Time for the great Fall lock-in to commence!

Not eating again until I hit an anytime TD scorer bet. Sam LaPorta- you’re up.

One thing I’m very happy with on the trajectory of my life is I’m going to see more sunrises and sunsets than anyone else I know. That’s worth its weight in gold

I have also developed a very strong urge to take a girl on a stargazing date. My wife would be a great candidate but she’s in Nashville with her boss

Just changed my TouchTunes name to MrBeast69420

Growing up I always had the perception that nurses were really smart. Now I realize that the vast majority are former sorority girls with a nicotine addiction

Big pet peeve: when someone borrows your car, adjusts the seat, and doesn’t adjust it back

She’s not that hot if she doesn’t have a private story with 15 people where she posts stuff that’s absolutely not funny

Going to run a marathon in a cool city in either February or March I’m thinking

Kinda love the new iOS showing text bubbles in group chats

How 12 Saturday beers at the bar start talking to me after considering a sober weekend

No booze after all yesterday for Candice. Having a very productive morning. Workout, helping sister move, and attending nephews hockey game in an hour. Can’t forget Church tonight. If I had a girlfriend (and if I weren’t an alcoholic) I’d do this every weekend

Ozempic? How about a salad and a run?

This beer is starting to taste like Somalian slander

If a chick has a “Lucky” tattoo she’s for sure for the streets

Really glad my favorite teams, the Minnesota Vikings and Minnesota Gophers, lost by a combined 58 points this week 👍🏻

Y’all mind if I lock in for a while?

Man… I gotta get back to Ballin’ & being Me. Back to my First 10. It’s time. Time to go Dark.