Dads after securing/strapping down anything: Yep. That’s not going anywhere.

Doctor said I need hearing aids. I said “what?”

Don’t trust anyone w blue water in their toilet

When a 7/11 gets robbed do they play the losing rings noise from sonic

These amazing dudes (𝕵𝖔𝖍𝖓𝖓𝖞 𝕲𝖔𝖙𝖍💀/damien/green mofo) KILLED IT at The Echo + Echoplex on Sunday. I’m so insanely proud of y’all 🥹 #johnnygoth #HalloweenEnds #halloween

Shoutout to everyone who came to the Devil’s Night Ball last Sunday🎃😈

Forgive me father I have simped

Sometimes when I park my car at night and I see a car coming, I imagine it’s a giant, evil government drone that will kill me if its headlights touch me.

Fire sells

If we were to tour this year what cities should we hit?

When you’re washing your hands at your upper-middle class friend’s house and you mistake their lotion dispenser for soap

Excited to announce- ‘SMOKE AND MIRRORS’ 2023 OFFICIAL TOUR DATES‼️What city will we be seeing you? Can’t wait to see you all 🖤👁️ Tickets on Sale Feb 8th @ 10AM

‘SMOKE AND MIRRORS’ 2023 TOUR Tickets Live @ link in my bio🔥🪞 Who will we be seeing out there?👁️

Can we have a monk president

My mom had me when I was young

The law of physics implies the existence of the jail of physics

Just got a background extra job for Family Guy. I hope i meet peter