Me, calmly explaining to the WhatsApp group that, no, last night wasn’t a disaster and that Spurs still need to go to Carrow Road and get a result

@WelshSocialism If this is staged, the line "You're not allowed to swim in your own bin" is one of the greatest bits of writing and acting I've ever seen

Hot air balloons kick ass. Are they safe? Not really. Can you stop if you don't like it? Think again. BUT can you steer? Listen don't bring that negative energy into this wicker basket ok I'm gonna light this flamethrower.

You’re damn right there’s televised, competitive Microsoft Excel

OK who did this

they would actually have to physically drag me out of the zoo at closing

Did not know what a ‘number three’ was #nowyouknow

🤯

Ten Hag, when Ronaldo asks him if they can now ‘discuss his concerns’

Further to this, presumably FIFA signed off on this kit pre-tournament, so on what grounds can they now ban it? I’m beginning to think someone needs to call their bluff on this stuff…

A yellow card for what? Under what rule? Also, why are football rules changing due to geography? E.g. A booking for a foul is normally a booking for a foul regardless of where in the world it takes place. If the armband is worn in England with no booking, why is it one in Qatar?

Ah, I see the extra £300 on my mortgage has turned up

I see Scooby Doo’s opened his Gastro Cafe.

He loves his massive wife

Why do Tories dance like it’s VE Day

If you see a faded sign at the side of the road that says Fifteen miles to the

Therapist: What's wrong? Me: If I do the Borat voice once more, I'll be getting a divorce Therapist: And who told you that? Me: *tearfully clears throat*