Hey Hulu, you know which ad experience I prefer? The one where I don't have to watch your stupid ads any time I watch anything.

#stateofaffairs I liked this show better when it was called #homeland

#nbc is lucky #showtime hasn't sued them for their watered-down, Christian-friendly version of #homeland they call #stateofaffairs

Will somebody get the kid a Happy Meal?!

This is what I would look like if I didn't have a right eye.

I is so tired

I don't know why, but I love getting high and watching Ally McBeal.

A woman without love wilts like a flower without sunshine.

@RTNbh I know. I felt like it wasn't sarcasm at all.

Couple married 67 years dies holding hands, just hours apart huff.to/1A57y2H

Remember this shit? I know exactly what it tastes like.

Jackie Brown time.

You give a calculator to a retard and he'll try to turn the tv on with it.

If I only talk about how Alexia from work was "bein' all bitchy 'cause she's like on the rag" do me a favor and slap the shit out of me.

You dumb cunts better not be chatty Cathy's during this movie. I worked one hour at work to pay for this.

Happy Mother's Day to those females who thought abortions were not options. Some of you might've been better off with them. Like my mother.

You know you took a good nap when you wake up an hour later with half your face in your own drool.

Fuckin' weed man.

The first movie I've ever watched on shrooms #thefountain

Enough baby pictures already. I get it, you have a baby and you think it's cute when it does everything.