Andrew Roffe (@asap_roffe) 's Twitter Profile
Andrew Roffe

@asap_roffe

On tour with @CharlieBerens. Repped by @StewartTalent. Mensch to @jewthings. Standup dates ⬇️

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linkhttps://www.andrewroffe.com/live-shows calendar_today02-03-2009 19:53:09

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Andrew Roffe (@asap_roffe) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Shout out to all the observant Jews shutting down their phones on Shabbat. I once put my phone in airplane mode and had a full on panic attack.

Andrew Roffe (@asap_roffe) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Tell me you’re Jewish without telling me you’re Jewish: My mom ended our phone conversation with “feel better.” I’m not sick.

Andrew Roffe (@asap_roffe) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I think it should be illegal for Jews and Italians to have kids together. No child should have to grow up knowing a full carpet of back hair awaits them.

Andrew Roffe (@asap_roffe) 's Twitter Profile Photo

Time for a WWE appreciation post. Last night #WrestleMania40 made me feel like I was 12 years old again. And honestly that’s all I’ve ever wanted.

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I’ve been in Miami for an hour and everyone I’ve met has the last name Weinstein or Hernandez. This city is one giant law firm.

Andrew Roffe (@asap_roffe) 's Twitter Profile Photo

I personally want to thank Alex Edelman for his one man show. It’s given my mother something to talk about other than why I’m not married.

Andrew Roffe (@asap_roffe) 's Twitter Profile Photo

When I was a kid my mom made me go with to see the movie “Death Becomes Her.” I’m 80% sure that’s what made me gay. Anyway… #HappyMothersDay

Andrew Roffe (@asap_roffe) 's Twitter Profile Photo

A friend of mine just referred to a shiva as the “funeral after party” and I’ve never been more hyped to be a Jew in my entire life.