More hugging and kissing, less shrugging and dissing

Ok so the new weed place moving into my building has weed leaves (normal) and dollar signs (?) spraypainted on the door. So they’re selling weed and…money?

Gov might be negotiating the debt limit, but I’M raising my Chet limit - now more Chets will be allowed in my life.

The increasing philistinization of the US populace terrifies me

Guys will literally open the emergency door of a flying plane instead of going to therapy

Remember: A turd in the hand is worth poo in the bush.

Ok but what about a **hangry** mob??

Incel Tr*mper dudes using military language they picked up playing COD to describe completely unthreatening things (I.e. “CRACKERBARREL HAS FALLEN) will never not be funny to me

“Women are my favorite guy” is probably the single most transcendent lyric of this generation Kyle Gordon

~10 yr old kid in the airport wearing a Waffle House T-shirt. Me out loud, to myself: “Based.”

A high school debate club where they dab after every time they make a really good point

119 years old…the NYC subway system was a fucking kid.

The disappointment of a new Drake half-effort immediately replaced by joy of surprise new DORIAN ELECTRA!!

Unions should demand April fools day off

“You can’t dream on weed!” *doesn’t smoke before bed for the first time in a while, immediately has vivid stress dream about slowly having all my teeth fall out and not being able to eat anything that isn’t soft and everyone’s laughing at me* Back to 🍃🍃🍃

I’m underdressed on this L train rn

I’ve tried not to think too much about Sophie’s death and how music would be better if she was still around…and then Charli dropped So I.

Listening to Art Is Dead by Bo Burnham while I’m doing creative work supercharges my output like no other song. Artist friends - try it!

If I feel this way at 32, I TOTALLY understand why 50 year olds get addicted to painkillers

They’re playing Nirvana’s Nevermind in full at the coffee shop and I was like “Sick!” but then realized this is like playing a Hendrix record in the 90s fuuuuuuuuuu