The two sides of cat ownership: Mike (as cat hops on his lap): "Hello, little baby!" Me (as I walk in the room): "Hello, horrible kitten!" We both switch sides at least four times a day.

Mike forgot Francis Bourgeois' name and called him Clarence Beaujolais and I don't think the noise I made on response was actually human

Made so much progress on our allotment today - it doesn't look like much but it's a huge step in the right direction! And we were able to harvest some rhubarb! Also @SoHoptimistic met the biggest compost heap of his life and it was VERY exciting.

You know, I never expected to feel any kind of pride for the town I grew up in, but here we are!

V unhappy that this year's universal vibe for summer attire seems to be 'dresses for people in cults'

Turning out to be a rubbish year for my favourite musicians 💔

I know we'll still have a Tory government etc etc, but I cannot overstate just how much it's put a spring in my step watching a despotic leader be toppled in real time. Genuinely the happiest I've felt in ages!

You all know exactly how I misread this.

They're not wrong - this is a VERY new approach to vegetarianism 🤔

Spicing up our relationship with a sexy double-dose of the plague. Lads, this is rubbish.

Deleting the Twitter app for a bit because I can't cope with how awful all the news is and how rancid all the hot takes in response are x