Posting this here so it can live beyond the instagram story.

In an effort to reduce my caffeine intake, I have switched from 5-6 coffees a day to however many green teas gives me the exact same feeling.

Hello timeline, and others who I may connect with. Observe this dumb shit please, and interact with this post!

How PF Chang’s Started

How Olive Garden Started..

WNBA Origins

1994: I am cranking it to a famous actress 2024: I am cranking it to a famous actress, here's why that's significant

Uncontroversial take: people who take their dogs off leash in the open should be put down

How about an NPR show called Wait Wait Don’t Smell Me and it’s about a couple about to have sex but one is self conscious, so they just do hand stuff.

Some people think it’s weird my dog takes human meds. Me, I’m just glad he can get hard again.

The juice is home now

Some of you clearly didn’t see his family ask that you please respect their wishes for privacy and grace.

Swing low, sweet chariot

Pouring one out for the big guy

One of my biggest losses occurred today after I confidently started a claim with customer service and slowly realized I am fundamentally wrong about the issue, and am as stupid as the CS rep must have been saying I am to their work friends.

francis ford coppola dedicating megalopolis to his wife is the meanest thing anybody has ever done to their spouse

George Foreman died. I think I know how he’s being cremated.

Little late to the game here but I think that movie should have been called “An Orange Clockwork”

Sending this to people via text instead of doing it irl en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_finger

I feel like every time I open this app i see this chode has found a new, clearer and deeper way to expose himself as a perfect dork. He has uncanny precision with choosing the cringiest arrangement of words possible, and to top it off he promotes his own posts to the top.