Guys... I just met a man with a tattooed on full beard. I suddenly feel rather good about my life choices. #nailingit #lifechoices #tattoo

Another night spent watching JEN KIRKMAN work through new stuff... one day I hope I'm just half as good on stage. #inspired #standupcomedy

Friend: Jesus... we should do a shot of whiskey for every #Elsa we see. Me: we've been here for 3 hours... we would be dead. #disneyland

The only #romper a man should wear is a government issued one in orange or stripes... #manromper #no #fashion

I think she got a dick pic... #datingproblems #menaregross #dating #relationships #no #hollywood #melroseavenue

I wrote a thing... it's actually kind of funny Dating... the inner circle of hell girlontherun.net/2017/05/19/dat… via WordPress.com

Awesome night at the improv with friends ✔️ In bed before 12am ✔️ Reading a JEN KIRKMAN book ✔️ Whitney Cummings on my TV ✔️ #goodnight

My goal in life: work for Chelsea Handler even if it's just cleaning her toilets. #queenofcomedy #hero #writergoals #comedygoals

Dear guest at the #Starbucks counter making ugly faces at other people's orders: please tell me you haven't reproduced. #judgywoman

If anyone ever says that acting is easy or actors are overpaid/rated around me I may throat punch them as a reflex. #hardjob #actualwork

Dear Kathy Griffin ... as someone who loves #comedy and the #groundlings I adore you but what in the hell were you thinking?! #PRnightmare

I'm just gonna get a shirt that says "I'm the idiot friend" so people know what to expect from me... #imanidiot #friendship #atleastimfunny

#love trumps #Covfefe ❤️

I think I'm down to only having 2 people in my life who would care if I died... I'm hoping to make it so no one misses me when I'm dead.

#5thrandm #romyandmichelethemusical #romyandmichele'shighschoolreunionthemusical

Please support my GoFundMe campaign: gofundme.com/48bi7q0?pc=tw_… GoFundMe

Pain injection @ 3:20 Vmllkmmmjnbb@mmmmmmmmnhnbb

It sucks to have worked so hard to on something only to fail... but that seems to be story of my life.

You learn where you stand with someone when you tell them “we need to talk” and they ignore your plea. #LessonsLearned #movingon #ifeelused

Do not support Banfield Pet Hospital as they do not support their employees! #shameonyou #lifeofpain #workmanscomp #EmployeeBenefits #EmployeeAdvocacy #employee #employeerights #injuredonthejob #employer #Banfield #banfieldthepethospital