My neighbors fly a flag that’s just a picture their house

ppl rly marry anything

my grandma is so addicted to making shit up she just called me to say that movie theaters don’t have cup holders anymore

call me Tuco. i got you brother.

You don’t need a perfect partner. You need someone who can regulate their emotions, admit when they fuck up, & actually sit with uncomfortable conversations without shutting down, flipping it on you, or throwing low blows every time shit gets real.

rich people pretending to be poor will always piss me off

Not my circus but I've grown quite fond of its monkeys

All i hear is criticize criticize criticize

i lowkey don't mind talking about the weather like Yeah it has been awfully humid lately hasn't it

i like when mr krabs calls him spongeboymebob

told my students i would give them halloween stickers in the afternoon if they have a better day than yesterday and one of them goes “oh it’s okay. i have stickers at home actually”

Today is WEDNESDAY.

In 5000 years when they find this buried in the rubble they are going to think Texans worshiped a bronze beaver lol.

I called somebody a bum, my child said what's a bum? I said a person that don't got nothing, no car no house no money nothing. She talking about “so l'm a bum?!”😂 yes baby unfortunately you are😭😭

True maturity is understanding that this is a terrible, terrible idea.

My aunt who has never been married before told my cousin braids aren't appropriate to wear for her wedding. I asked her what hairstyle did she wear when she got married. Now everyone is yelling. I was just asking a question

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