Simon Pegg in every mission impossible movie

Your outie’s bracket is currently in the top 8% of all brackets in the country

You will never be as cool as Val Kilmer in Heat.

Me, first grade. New glove for Christmas, playing catcher that spring. My boy, first grade. Playing catcher, using his dad’s old glove. 🥲

Going tidbit for tidbit with the rival office small talker

Hoooooly crap 😱 it’s happening again… ummm yeah so we’re officially living in a simulation 😳😳

I’m as excited about cooper Flagg as the next guy but I will always mourn what should have been the Mavs 2025 title cake walk

Am I forgetting any?

ALLRED. DAVIS. BALLGAME.

Hate to go and Wreck a perfectly good dynasty, but it was bound to happen Sooner or later. #Big12SB | Texas Tech Softball

Gary Matthews Jr you finally have company

Whatever year this was, that was the last time an Apple update had any sauce whatsoever

A random flex I always forget to tweet about is that I was at the 2018 draft. This anecdote isn’t as fun to bring up anymore. 😭

Yearning to be seen as an indie boy in the summer of 2011 I remember sitting through the tree of life at the angelika and that was when I realized I just wasn’t built for it

I liked this tweet yesterday but now I see that I was a fool for ever even considering for a second that JB didn’t still have the sauce. He was born with the sauce.

Came home from work today and my 7 y/o son had made an Immaculate Grid for me to do 😭

Leaving the town that makes kids weapons and going to the beach that makes you old

Hit it again

Can’t stop laughing at this animation of Joc pederson stealing third base

Forming a role model cover band just so I can bring out my beautiful wife on stage to be the Sally girl