Doing this when the doctor asks if I’m sexually active

Glastonbury finished late last night. Anyone who paid for a ticket would still be asleep never mind packing up their tent. I’m astonished that one of them managed to teleport themselves to Morrisons in time to have you pearl clutching before 7.00am.

my washing machine randomly deciding to flood my entire kitchen out on the hottest day of the year whilst i’m already having 3 separate unrelated mental breakdowns this week……….

it’s really sad that she’s going out like this and the fact that her rabid fans keep feeding into her psychosis ain’t helping either.

Going into central London on a Saturday afternoon for a bit of peace and quiet

You looked at a man convicted of attempted rape, saw the registry, and said: ‘Let’s raise a child together.’ Megan’s Law is in your home, your bed, your bloodline. Hope that helps c*kehead.

great except i hate that 90% of celebrities speaking out feel the need to mention israel in this way… no children in israel are suffering like what are you talking about

sexy waiter i’ve got a crush on at my hotel said hello good evening and i got flustered and said hi morning

milkers

siri announcing to me that my airpods are missing and i’ve left them behind when they’re quite literally in my ears

this side of twitter needs to be eradicated and I’m so serious

THIS GOT ME PEEING SO BADJWJDJDN

the concept of queen elizabeth being ozzy osbourne’s big sister

phone just reminded me it’s been 4 years of history

£500 student loan deduction on payslip