I don’t know how it came to this but looks like I’m staying up all night watching The Summer I Turned Pretty

I just feel like some people were a little too happy about America this weekend, ya know?

I think I’m entering my Facebook marketplace era.

guys, would you like to hear about the drama going on in the upper east side french bulldog community?

Why are my parents never hungry?

So we’re all just actively avoiding the Denver airport and nobody told me? I hate being the last to know anything. Signed, Stuck In Denver

Soulja Boy dropped Kiss Me Through The Phone before FaceTime existed. I don’t think he gets enough credit for that.

Teresa’s wedding is giving more TLC than Bravo vibes IMHO.

Is Pete okay? Lmk if you need me to go check on him…

That’s it. I’m getting Samba’s.

At what point in your life do you stop being shocked by the way spinach cooks down to NOTHING?

I just refuse to believe the demand for feet pics is what my TikTok wants me to think it is.

Have you ever gone all the way to Target only to realize you aren’t in a @target mood. Like. At all.

If I see that close up of an ants face one more time..

Taylor Swift makes music for people who cried during the AP English exam and still got a 5

Does anyone else think of Dawn Glover when they hear the line “draw the cat eye sharp enough to kill a man”? Too niche?

When were you guys going to tell me about TELL ME LIES?

Wait, why did I stop tweeting?

Why do we have zero good snacks in house?

I’m opening a rug room. It’s like a rage room but instead of breaking things we provide all the tools to wash dirty rugs like they do on TikTok. It’s deeply satisfying.