writing “sorry” at the bottom of your math test

Don't worry, the right someone is out there for everyone. You'll probably never find them, or fuck it up when you do. But they're out there.

do re mi fa so done with this semester

You think you're ugly? You're right, you are.

Willow Smith is 11 and has a tongue ring, half her head shaved, and is bisexual. SHE needs to go live with her auntie and uncle in Bel-Air.

Two jumper cables walk into a bar. The bartender says, "You guys better not start anything in here!”

I'm not addicted to twitter. I only tweet when I have time: lunch time, break time, off time, this time, that time, any time, all the time.

Know what's on the menu? Me-n-u.

perk of dating me: i have no social life so we can hang out whenever it’s convenient for you

Horror movies don't scare me, 5 missed calls from my mom scares me.

Step 1: Buy combination lock.Step 2: Find someone with gauges.Step 3: Run up to them, click lock around their ear.Step 4: Run like hell.

WARNING: Must be 18 to view my last tweet due to extreme nudity.

I hate smart ass teachers. Me: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: I don't know, can you? Me: BITCH I WILL SHIT ON YOUR DESK.

Can I end my essay with "u feel me homie?"

Sex with an ex is like ramen noodles when you're drunk. It hits the spot but it's never your first choice.

My love for you is like diarrhea. I just cant hold it in.

I feel like school isn’t even about learning anymore, it’s about getting good grades

If you want to cry use a tissue, not your Facebook status.

I just witness a couple fighting over a cheating situation and the male was defending himself by saying "But I wore a condom tho baby"

I must have a great butt, because every time I finish talking to someone and start to walk away. I hear them whisper "What an Ass"