I can’t decide if a flute or a clarinet sounds better.

Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, but it’s time to admit the traditional meal is really terrible. There’s a reason we only have those foods in those combinations once a year.

May we always have enough. May we always get along. May we always be of service to others. Happy Thanksgiving!

I just asked Grok if the Flintstones invented Bitcoin (or rather “Shaletoshi Rockamoto”) by using clams for money instead of fiat.

If I ever commit to a mustache I'm thinking of changing my name to Lloyd Fitzwater. That's assuming I have money. If I'm broke, I'll probably stick with Lloyd, but haven't decided on the last name yet.

Please stop holding lapel mics in your hand.

Two extremely influential people fell for obvious AI fakes on this platform today. I don’t know if it was a test or if I just have no business being this unsuccessful.

Not to make this about me, but I offered to write for Family Guy in 2014 & this is apparently the direction they went instead. If you ever see my name on a list of applicants, try to remember I’m *not* the one who’s going to murder his parents.

It just occurred to me… for somebody who spent so much time in Japan, why did Godzilla have a Spanish name?

Congratulations to Tom L. Raber, the winner of the @fancymovies 4-Minute Screenplay Challenge. We shot a short film using only nonsensical gibberish for dialogue and invited screenwriters to write "subtitles" based on the action. Please enjoy "THE PLANT."

I've always considered myself a cultured man of singular tastes but every time I go to a market, a gaggle of uncouth yokels is always crowded around the section I'm trying to get to. This has been humbling. Also, whatever happened to vanilla Coke? Do they not make that anymore?

RELATIONSHIP STATUS UPDATE: @fancymovies has broken up with California and will be flirting with Nevada in 2026. Hope to keep playing around with some of you then. #indiefilm

I was peeing when this happened. Not sure I deserve full credit.

is still Neda.

I've reached that stage in life where if I recognize your name, it's probably from email spam.

Tampa Airport is one of the nicer bowling alleys I’ve ever been to!

this is an absolute masterpiece i’m in tears😭

Working on the American premiere of what’s probably the funniest play to have been written in the last 100 years. That’s all I can say right now & it hurts.

Oh, Great Dane… More pretentious & overwrought acceptance speeches… I hate awards season! nytimes.com/2026/02/03/sty…