⒈ did you like “everything, everywhere, all at once”?
⒉ did you like “princess bride”?

“i like that movie” is a stronger recommendation than “i loved that movie.” “i like that movie” means they’re carrying it with them. “i loved that movie” means they’re done with it

so with one woman, there’s a 20% chance i won’t get caught. but what about 5 women? 5 times 20% is 100%. 100% chance i won’t get caught. because remember, we’re talking about cumulative percent

my daughter’s been on a princess kick lately. it bugs me for stupid reasons (“we do not aspire to hereditary royalty in this family, we aspire to produce something our community wants”) so i keep a lid on it.

but i asked her what makes princesses good. no hesitation: “the shoes”

it’s all ohio, T

the thing about it is

it always has been

No. This meeting could not have been an email. We're here to talk about how terrible you are at reading your inbox.

in the future, the bots will like before replying, meaningfully engage, and only then, at the end of their post, beg your pardon and sheepishly mention that, if you’re interested, no pressure, there are nudes in the bio

right-tail mnemonic talent is archaic human ability. it’s been bred out of the moderns

picture unrelated

winter is coming

Cod: let’s go to the beach have a picnic
Codson: No, the gorillas will be there
Cod: wut
Codson: yeah they are big and strong and ride horses on the beach
Cod: …..
Codson Nanny: oh he saw gorillas riding horses yesterday at the beach. They were filming planet of apes

in high school, i thought saying “i’m a bad test-taker” was pure cope. then i had to give a speech from memory to an elks lodge. right before i went on, we said the pledge of allegiance. i, who memorized shit accidentally, couldn’t remember the pledge.

it went as you’d expect

guy who treats the alt text like it’s root access to anyone who needs it. “it’s a juxtaposition of discordant contexts. it’s funny. you’re laughing. you’re hitting the repost button”

my wife had a dream where i told her i had to re-park the car and then left and never returned. and you know what? we’re handling this. together. we’re actually doing okay, all things considered

which blade in a pair of scissors is more important?

never go to a kid’s birthday party that thinks it’s too good for booze