While they were content to peck cautiously at the ball, he never spared himself in his efforts to do it a violent injury.

Intoxicated? The word did not express it by a mile. He was oiled, boiled, fried, plastered, whiffled, sozzled, and blotto.

It isn't often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb trees and pull them up after them.

It has been well said that an author who expects results from a first novel is in a position similar to that of a man who drops a rose petal down the Grand Canyon of Arizona and listens for the echo.

A melancholy-looking man, he had the appearance of one who has searched for the leak in life’s gas-pipe with a lighted candle.

Then he rose and began to pace the room in an overwrought sort of way, like a zoo lion who has heard the dinner-gong go and is hoping the keeper won’t forget him in the general distribution.

I’m not absolutely certain of the facts, but I rather fancy it’s Shakespeare who says that it’s always just when a fellow is feeling particularly braced with things in general that Fate sneaks up behind him with the bit of lead piping.

Well, there it is. That’s Jeeves. Where others merely smite the brow and clutch the hair, he acts. Napoleon was the same.

I don’t know if you have had the same experience, but the snag I always come up against when I’m telling a story is this dashed difficult problem of where to begin it.

“Jeeves, I'm engaged.'
'I hope you will be very happy, sir.'
'Don't be an ass. I'm engaged to Miss Bassett.”

In a series of events, all of which had been a bit thick, this, in his opinion, achieved the maximum of thickness.

You would not enjoy Nietzsche, sir. He is fundamentally unsound.

There is only one cure for grey hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

The brains of members of the Press departments of motion-picture studios resemble soup at a cheap restaurant. It is wiser not to stir them.

Trouble, after all, like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder.

If he had a mind, there was something on it.

As we grow older and realise more clearly the limitations of human happiness, we come to see that the only real and abiding pleasure in life is to give pleasure to other people.

He had the look of one who had drunk the cup of life and found a dead beetle at the bottom.

It is a good rule in life never to apologise. The right sort of people do not want apologies, and the wrong sort take a mean advantage of them.