Emily: Here's some advice Derek: I didn't ask for any Emily: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one I know here

Rossi, addressing the squad: And if you have any suggestions feel free to put them in the suggestion box. Reid: But – that’s just a trash can. Rossi: It sure is!

Emily: If I die, my funeral is going to be the biggest party ever and you’re all invited JJ: If? Reid: Great, the only party I’ve ever been invited to and they might not even die.

Reid: .. .----. -- / ... --- .-. .-. -.-- [translation: I’M SORRY] Emily: What's that? Reid: Remorse code. Emily: I'm even angrier now.

Derek: Hey Emily can I get a sip of your water? Emily: It's not water. Derek: Vodka, I like your style! Emily: It's vinegar. Derek: Wh-Wha- Emily: It's vinegar, COWARD.

*Reid and Morgan doing something absurdly dangerous* Reid: I think Houdini did something like this once! Why, if I recall correctly, he was out of the hospital in no time! Morgan, deadpan: Well that's encouraging.

*JJ teaching Reid how to drive* JJ: Okay, so you're driving and Morgan and Hotch walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit? Reid: Hotch. He's my dad but I would never hurt Morgan. JJ: JJ: The breaks, Spencer. You hit the breaks.

Emily: petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday Morgan: Wednesay Emily: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexiblel

Morgan: What are your goals? Garcia: To pet all the dogs. Morgan: No, fitness goals. Garcia: To be able to run fast enough to pet all the dogs.

Garcia: Let’s watch Sharkboy and Lavagirl. Morgan: Okay. Garcia: And make out during the scary parts. Morgan: Th- Morgan: The scary parts. Morgan: Of Sharkboy and Lavagirl.

Spencer: Did you just call me a shrimp, you asshole?! I'm still growing, dammit!

Emily: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

Emily: What if the 'g' in 'gif' is silent? Morgan: Go the fuck to sleep Emily: What gif I don't want to? Morgan: Fuck You

Reid: I don’t think the therapist is supposed to say ‘wow’ that many times during their first session with a client, but here we are.

*Reid and Garcia sitting in jail together* Garcia: So who should we call? Reid: I’d call Hotch, but I feel safer in jail

Emily: Hey how would you like your coffee? Reid: As dark and bitter as my soul Emily: One glass of milk coming right up

Derek: You seriously need to calm down. Spencer: But how can ice cream be birthday cake flavor if birthday cake can be ANY flavor??

Emily: Everyone, this is our new D.O.G, David Rossi Rossi: D.O.G? Emily: Designated Old Guy, all credit to Morgan and Garcia for that. Morgan and Garcia: *Prideful high-five*