Sorry I'm late, I ran out of toilet paper.

Sorry I'm late, I was being passive aggressive in a group meeting for no apparent reason.

Sorry I'm late, I was waiting at the stage door after a Nickelback concert.

Sorry I'm late, I was atoning for my many sins.

Sorry I'm late, my walls started bleeding.

Sorry I'm late, I was writing a strongly worded letter to my congressman.

Sorry I'm late, I was preoccupied with my impending death.

Sorry I'm late, I was creating a personal blog that no one asked for.

Sorry I'm late, I was thrifting an outfit for an elaborate theme party my friend is throwing next week.

Sorry I'm late, I was sticking it to the man.

Sorry I'm late, I misplaced my socks.

Sorry I'm late, I was cancelling plans with a friend.

Sorry I'm late, I was scrolling through Twitter in bed and my phone fell on my face.

Sorry I'm late, I overestimated my ability to jog.

Sorry I'm late, my leg was asleep.

Sorry I'm late, and that’s what you missed on Glee.

Sorry I'm late, I was trying to become America’s Sweetheart.

Sorry I'm late, I was trying to figure out whether I’m a Millennial or Gen Z and weighing the pros and cons of both.

Sorry I'm late, I was practicing my cartwheels.

Sorry I'm late, my candelabra went out.