The DNC has nominated Brandon Lesgo for president

Loose figures here but the average man ejaculates about 10,000 times in his life, with about 100,000,000 sperm in each load. So you were 1 out of like a trillion sperms your dad made or will make. The fact that you made it is proof miracles happen. Congratulations.

imagine fingering helen keller and the whole time she’s just like “what are you talking about”

Like my mama always said, every day can’t be a Double Lunch day

Probably could’ve done better still proud of it

Just learned about email plus addressing; you can put “+anything” before the @ in an email and your message will get delivered. For example, I can send an email to [email protected] and my buddy john will get the message

I want to be his friend. I don’t know what his political views are but he absolutely shouldn’t be a politician regardless. But he should be my friend

Alright. Time to get serious.

Petition to remove the MS Teams ❤️ reaction. When I said “Great glad I could help” what I meant was “Please let this conclude our conversation and never talk to me again”. Your love is misallocated.

I’m not arguing with a pregnant woman. Ok mike wazowski

The two wolves inside me

High school football games when the home team gets the ball down 63-7 with 52sec on the clock: 🎶 ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWN

Hey Duolingo wtf is this

So if I smoke 500 cigarettes I will taste bad and nobody will eat me