4 Allied destroyers & more smaller ships have been sunk at Dunkirk. Royal Navy Captain Tennant, horrified by today's losses: "I'm sorry, no more ships by day- evacuation at night only."

Witnessed homeless drug addict get dropped, split the back of his head open.Blood all over 1 of my hands. Rang 101 “see if he has(he was taken into police custody as he kicked off) any illnesses?” “We can’t tell you due to data protection laws” Thanks Greater Manchester Police 👍🤥

We’ve all seen the Yorkie advert, that bloke juggling the shopping bags. That was me in B&Q today, with a tin of paint and other bits and bobs. Paint fell over, covered the floor, the bits & bobs & both my hands. If you’re going to look a dick, go all out! #gohardorgohome

“Kat it’s going to be another week until the rings back” Fraser Hart

Fraser Hart told it would be 6 weeks at the absolute latest, "Grace" in your shop said beforehand 3-4 weeks. Annoyed but willing to bite our lips, its now 7 1/2 weeks and my partner has just been spoken to like rubbish on the phone by "Becky". Not impressed at all.

Bolton Wanderers doesn’t need you, Bolton doesn’t need you, Lancashire doesn’t need you, England doesn’t need you, The UK doesn’t need you, I’ve heard Timbuktu does, Off you trot Jeremy Corbyn

Well it’s not fallen down yet so I think I’ve done an ok job so far 🤞😀 #gabion #gabionwall#gabionseating #garden #seating#landscaping#cages instagram.com/p/B2Z8ZPyhNv2/…

DPD you've tried the wrong house and taken a picture of my next door but 5 neighbour. Can you send him back? DPD Support (UK)

Is this your oldest advert? Found it in "the daily despatch" "1932"

Two birds, one barbed wire blood soaked baseball bat #TheWalkingDead

You put peas in my sweet potato mash last night Nando's! Whats that about? #theyknockmesick

Want to ruin Halloween? Give trick or treaters a piece of fruit #confessionsofafatchild #halloween

Oh god I'm steaming in reflex

Is it just me who gets roped into putting on fake tan? Looking at my fingers it looks like I've been smoking roll ups for years ewwww

Working at home, I'll sit at the dining table as Ellie hassles me if I sit on the couch. Can't… instagram.com/p/BWCvi0zh51R/

i need to buy at least 10 payasyougo mobiles for work, will either of your stores let me do it? @CPWTweets Vodafone UK #notadrugdealer

How can I get an #asbo on next doors #cat? #neighboursfromhell instagram.com/p/Be1bvynjhHb/

#celebsgodating thank god has finished! Now for #SurvivalOfTheFittest to finish so I don’t have to watch anymore of the crap #awfultv

Went to get myself a hot chocolate on the way home from work & according to McDonald's Bolton they’re closed (supposed be 24/7) as all the tills are updating their sugar levels across the country Wtf.... McDonald's has given itself diabetes by the sounds of it

Well it’s arrived, an awful shame that kattiesnese9 isn’t here Who… instagram.com/p/BirWXT7FEeu/…