no officer i am an fbi informant tasked with smoking this weed

straight up under it and by it i mean my blankies

Babe are you okay? You’ve barely responded to my telepathic messages

post-hangout affirmations -i was normal -there are at least 2 or 3 people alive who are worse to spend time with than me -no one wants me to die -nobody noticed when i missed my mouth a little bit & spilled some diet coke down my shirt

ugh i’m so borrreeeeeddddd *starts slapping my ass*

do you mind if i wear my black t shirt covered in pet hair to your fine dining establishment

I’m bye curious. I want to leave

Me after saying "what" for the 3rd time & still not hearing what they said:

Insane shit happening in our country. Just absolutely batshit insane. We are such a joke

I have to get new glasses this year

iPhone air camera bump is maybe the biggest joke I’ve ever seen from Apple lmfao. Holy shit

I hope he dies before the end of the day

Do you want to hangout on the floor together

When will some vigilante superhero just take out all these evil people ruining the world for the rest of us

babe please don’t go to grad school everything will be okay you’re just having a bad day

They should invent sleep where you wake up and aren’t tired

Everyone “praying for the shooter” should be 6 feet under

The right is desperate for a reason to take violent action against the left, yet they continue to give the left reason for violent action against them and the left does nothing time and time again

The general state of my brain recently