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Every time I get my life together, the universe sends me a ‘new terms and conditions’ email.

Every time I finish a script, God adds one more deleted scene to my life.

Coffee turns me into Deadpool with a deadline. Green tea? I turn into Professor X trying to reason with Magneto… again.

Pitbulls the only dogs that understand systemic racism—profiled at the park, banned from the block, and still blamed for sht they ain’t even barked at.

Being a screenwriter and comic means I get rejected sitting down and standing up.