TIL that my neighbors live “next door” not... “next.... store.” Okay, moving right along.

Still not great, Cher

Had a dream Post Malone was trying to date my mom. Not sure what my unconscious is telling me but I'm listening.

My husband just turned to me, extremely concerned, and said he thinks our dog is colorblind. Guys, I don’t have the heart to tell him. 😂

They're not bus drivers, they're in the passenger relocation game.

Our house - 8am. Me: Morning peanut, how'd you sleep? 7yo: I was up allllll night. M: Oh yeah? Were you and your stuffies partying? S: [stone cold face] We're still partying. .... S: *grabs small seal toy* WHY'D YOU EAT ALL THE CAKE?!?!?!

Are they still considered Morning Pages if I wake up at 3pm?

After 2 weeks of multiple health screens and asking everyone to quarantine, I surprised my closest inner circle with a trip to a private island where we could pretend things were normal just for a brief moment in time.

7yo: "If it were up to me there'd be a Petflix. Like Netflix but just with videos of cats on pianos and stuff."

Sound advice

NOT NOW NASA

I probably think about that Nelly and Tim McGraw song on a daily basis. One might say I think about it over and over again.

Michigan’s been wild but this unlocked a new level of wackadoodle

News outlets: "10 REASONS TO STRESS THE FUCK OUT" Also news outlets: "5 WAYS TO RELAX"

NEWS: DoD Releases First Departmentwide Social Media Policy  go.usa.gov/xSJkW

working at starbucks during the busiest hours is harder than this tbh

Holy hell, I used to rent this video from Blockbuster *frequently*

Why’s taylor been doing side quests this whole show