good morning

I like telling one of my situationships “must have been your other bitch” a little too much for someone who has a bunch of other bitches myself

Finding out a man I like has a small dick will genuinely ruin my whole month

I have a date w a foot guy later and I forgot to paint my toenails

My favorite situationship cut all his hair off and got fired in the same week please nobody contact me I am in mourning

I SAW MY EX AND HE LOOKS FAT 🎉🎊👏🏻🍾🙌🏻🍻

I am a professional at sitting in the studio gassing people up and saying “this shit so hard” (I have no fucking clue what I’m talking about)

I think I need to go to the psychiatrist bc tonight I requested to sing Chattahoochee at Karaoke and the DJ asked me who sang it… I near fist fought her

Daily reminder all my exes are chopped and all their moms still like my instagram posts

y’all ever let a dude w a 4 inch dick give you deep emotional trauma?

I just found out the hard way I am 100% still very very allergic to cheese

I think I should just go ahead and record a dis track about this man I hate… I mean it won’t be good but neither is most of the music he records so its fine whats stopping me

just went to someone else’s circus and my fucking monkeys were there

At Waffle House at 7am on 9/11 for some reason

I stepped out of my usual routine and had breakfast w a white boy this morning… mother fucker started losing his mind talking about “the Tabasco has a kick” Dude… TABASCO? 🙄🙄

A man I’ve been talking to just sent me a video of him playing guitar… Dude you could have just messaged “hey just so you know I’m literally evil” w your whole chest…

Girl at the la dispute show just asked me to scoot up bc I was “too close” to her… games gone lol like miss have you ever been to a show?