That's nice honey = Mom's version of "cool story bro."

It's all shits and giggles, until someone giggles and shits.

Rape? You mean strangers with benefits?

We are even racist when it comes to weather. White clouds = good Black clouds = bad

What if the asteroid that hit Earth and killed all the dinosaurs was a UFO... and we are the aliens... Mind = Blown!

I just read that last year 4,153,239 people got married. I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

I oppose deporting Justin Bieber for his crimes. This is America, after all. We have the death penalty.

Dear food, will you be my Valentine? Food. *Expires 02/13/14* ( ._.)

*man watching a film* Man: "NOOO DON'T GO IN THE CHURCH!!!" Wife: "Honey what are you watching?" Man: "Oh nothing just our wedding video"

Try this: In a crowded hallway, say out loud, "Oh my god look at the blood on her pants." Whatever girl turns around is on her period..

What did the letter P say to the letter R? Wow that's huge

Proud of the team Miguel de Sousa Rohan Conradie Hugo Lombard @keagieboy

do twins ever realize one of them was unplanned

true shit