I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

Caution: I know karate… and a few other Japanese words.

My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

Life is better when you’re laughing.

Context: Court reporting in the UK must be merely factual and not include an opinion as to guilt or innocence of a defendant. The BBC and other journalists have reported on what was said in court, Ezra Levant provided a commentary of his opinion, in contempt of court.

Smile big, laugh often—it confuses people.

I didn’t choose the mug life, the mug life chose me.

Vodka may not be the answer, but it’s worth a shot.

If you’re not barefoot, you’re overdressed.

There is no I in Team, but there's always one big A... if you know what I mean.

What has a head, a tail, and no body? A coin!

IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn't lick your fingers at lunch time.

This may sound arrogant but I think I could make a better Periodic Table.

If you're hotter than me, then that means I'm cooler than you.

It's not the bullet that kills you, it's the hole.

Farage claims that the Brexit that has damaged our economy and lives, is nothing to do with him. Repost if you disagree with him and believe that he needs to take a lot of responsibility.

🇷🇺 FARAGE’s Biggest Donor 🚨 Aaron Banks held FOUR undisclosed meetings with Russian officials during the Brexit campaign. 🔁 Retweet if you want a full investigation into Russian interference in Brexit. #Brexit UK Prime Minister Nigel Farage MP