i’m having intrusive thoughts (thinking about moving to brooklyn)

a first date? nah, im establishing my lore with a strange woman

is this supposed to happen when you’re driving

i’m at the derby dressed like the bastard child of colonel sanders and the vineyard vines whale

mama there goes that man again

it’s 6:09pm and i already know i’m gonna be late to brunch tomorrow

going to brooklyn

pissing in brooklyn

if i step into your new york apartment, guaranteed i’m asking you how much you pay in rent and then saying “that’s a pretty good deal”

i’m in tokyo eating raw fish and committing innumerable cultural faux paus. chuck de rond joined the yakuza mere moments after we landed

touched down in singapore for the grand prix. greatly looking forward to littering constantly and consuming copious amounts of drugs with zero repercussions 👍🏼

it is not insider trading if the money goes to a good cause (a bigger house and hush money for my mistress)

just threw on my tux (looking extremely handsome), now time to blackout and make a scene in the name of charity

new year, same wave

all this, and i’m gonna drink more rum

fancy coffee machine broken in the sky club. vodka tonic it is

something to ease into the derby

at the derby talking like fog horn leg horn and losing money like i have generational wealth (i do not)