Jazmine Anderson (@hokyshmokes) 's Twitter Profile
Jazmine Anderson

@hokyshmokes

tweets reflect the opinions of my cat

✍️ Former: Contrarian Thinking | Current: REX, DraftX, & others

ID: 2891609233

calendar_today06-11-2014 02:39:21

3,3K Tweet

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My favorite conversations are the ones where I walk in the room and the cat says "meow" and I say "what did you say??" and he says "meow" and I say "that's what I thought you said."

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what they think I'm doing in the weekly team meeting: Listening. Analyzing. Being thoughtful. Driving revenue. what I'm really doing in the weekly team meeting: cat in the graph

what they think I'm doing in the weekly team meeting: Listening. Analyzing. Being thoughtful. Driving revenue.

what I'm really doing in the weekly team meeting: cat in the graph
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"what kind of dog do you have?" Nine-syllable breed name, followed by an explanation of the breed's history and how we came upon owning this dog "what kind of cat do you have?" black one

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Our cat's top 5 least favorite sounds: 5. Anything that's like water 4. sound of the dog existing 3. Plastic bag rustling 2. Anything that hisses 1. "NO. It is NOT dinnertime."

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which mental illness is it when you're at a party and someone starts talking about your favorite piece of media and you have to silently do breathing exercises because they're "talking about it wrong"

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I have a bit with the cat where he'll walk tentatively into my office and I say, "hello sir, do you have an appointment?" And he meows, so I say, "sorry sir, we don't take walk-ins." And he meows again, so I say, "alright we can make an exception." Then I pick him up and hug him

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there is truly something so disturbing about talking to someone and they don't laugh, don't crack even a whisper of a joke, and don't show any indication of experiencing humor not in like a mean, curmudgeonly way either. just: 🙂

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You die the hero or live long enough to become the villain. I'm now the kind of regular at a coffee shop who tells the barista, "I'm doing something crazy today!" when I order a different drink than I usually do.

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we made all those sci-fi robot downfall-of-humanity movies throughout the 2000s-2010s just for the white house's official real-life stance on AI to be, "hell yeah let's speedrun this bitch"

we made all those sci-fi robot downfall-of-humanity movies throughout the 2000s-2010s just for the white house's official real-life stance on AI to be, "hell yeah let's speedrun this bitch"
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my brain: "wait! are you sure you have the right number for your gate?" Me: "My gate? Like for the flight I took on Friday?" my brain: "yeah. i think u have the wrong number, double check it." Me: "For the flight I successfully boarded 4 days ago?" my brain: "yeah that one"

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never take a book recommendation from someone with an MFA. it will take you 2 months to get through, you'll hate every second of it, and then the ending will be so beautiful you'll cry