Soot 2.0 sounds great. Once the Shark slippers are under the PM desk he will be over at your place wanting to help. Chook pens, slip & slides, de sexing the cat, house prices, cost of lettuce, busted gate, no job 2 small. Under his empathic probe you will spill your guts. #auspol

Should Soot decide that being a bulldozer is still his go, think of the jobs that could be done at your place. Swimming pool dug, flood rubbish cleared to tip, community garden levelled, skate park put in an afternoon & time left over to appear at ICAC hearing into rorts #auspol

Should the worst happen on Sat. & the Bulldozer is asked to leave the building, the new opposition has a ready made slogan ‘Debt and Deficit Disaster’. It has a few kms on the clock! But it’s battle hardened & avoids any opposition responsibility for the mess they dumped. #auspol

The Bulldozer still has it. The kid was threatening. The PM was the last line of defence. He could not let the nation down. Soot moved suddenly for a big man & flattened the youngster a quarter of his size. The nation breathed a sigh of relief knowing it was in safe hands.#auspol

The MRO will have a good look at it. There a string similar offences on the sheet & the code is trying to get more respect for officials. The game has to stamp out this violence. Unless he has someone good in his corner, like A.G. Cash, the bloke could be gone for life. #auspol

Looking at the footage from phones at the Punt Road end you can see the kid taunting Soot. The PM takes the gobbing by off for 30 minutes about the Sharks, his uncooked chicken curry, his hose work & his lawn bowls. Suddenly the taunting became too much & the PM snapped #auspol

Soot needs to look at his technique. His Feet in the wrong position, went into it too high & is he ticketed to work with kids. But what a wheeze to end the campaign. The nation is talking all about his sporting prowess & not the big issues. Elections are won on less! #auspol

If you want to change the curtains, think vertical blinds & there is one man who can supply all your needs. See The Wagga Whiz, Daryl Maguire, at the centre of Australian shot gun excellence. The Whiz will throw in a Persian rug that will bring the whole room together! #auspol

Spud’s ‘feet to the fire’ spray is excellent, only issue is choice of fuel. Iron bark ablaze in the fireplace, gas, 2 bar radiator & slow combustion stove are out. Maybe solar rays re-focused with a magnifying glass will do the trick. It would hurt in the hands of a pro! #auspol

League lovers it’s on ABC Grandstand Sunday at 5.00pm. The Origin 2 Super Special. The Blindside panel will dissect the big one in Perth. Every tump, every bump, every dump will contribute to world peace & international harmony. Happy Origin Rugba Leeg, Peaceniks! #ABC Grandstand

Mark Scott The Daily Telegraph Alister Henskens Sometimes you get lucky - like being replaced (visual and audio) by a legend like H.G Nelson (actually we are MZ twins separated at birth) - excellent way of getting the key messages to those who truly know the redemptive power of NRL (Like the The Daily Telegraph)…..

Mark Scott The Daily Telegraph Alister Henskens H.G Nelson NRL To hear the great man, and quiet Australian philosopher, H.G Nelson in person - go to ‘Minding Your Mind’ podcast with James O'Loghlin

In Roy & HG’s world, everything and everyone else in sport and beyond is up for ridicule, but each other? No way. Their on-air relationship contains no ribbing, no needling, no piss-taking, no disrespect and no disagreement. theaustralian.com.au/weekend-austra… The Australian H.G Nelson

Soot OAM what a charmer! A busted arsed magician with buggerall prestige. A sad footnote tacked to the pile of ‘Go Sharkies’ merch he sits on reminds us all that the person upstairs playing ‘April Sun’ on the harp amongst the clouds really does work in mysterious ways. #auspol

People forget that Soot dolled up in the Sharkie scrubs offered to do a vasectomy on a Boothby resident in the run up to the last election. HUUUUNT who was doing great job as Min. of Health was happy to run the gas but the bottle dry due to a recent hats up welding demo. #auspol

So proud of Soot. He is a humble but proud Shire man, with very few skills, but a passion for Sharks, hardware stores & Maccas. He made it to the nation’s top job. Once on that pinnacle he took in the view & realised he could do everybody’s job as well. Humbled but proud. #auspol

Soot dragging the bag, genius! He has mastered the essentials, swing for show but putt for dough! He has the gear & applied to join L.I.V. (The Shark’s show) making up a foursome with Spud, Old Joe & The Donald. His swing like carnation milk poured onto a laminex table. #Auspol

Bludgers as we sign off from the Blindside card table for the long goodbye in 22, can thank you all for the enthusiastic support. The dipsy-doodle duo would be a hollow of hopelessness without your drive from the backline & grunt & poke upfront. Happy Rugba Leeg! #ABC Grandstand

The wait is over! Happy rugby league Australia! As the sun sets on another sizzling summer the Bludge returns with the season kick off Saturday 4th! First item on the agenda, Watsford Oval update. Bludge on Blindsiders.#ABCGrandstand

It’s a family friendly line up on the Bludge in 23. ‘The Eye of the Storm’, Love at First Flush’, Married at First Sight to a Rugby League Player, the Missing Two, Dipsy-Doodler of the Year, Log on the Line and the Pantaloons of Plumage (aka the Vlandy’s medal). #ABCGrandstand