Do you guys still like me now that I’m meatless and monogamous

plant based implies the existence of plant cringe

Type of shit I’m on this summer

Typa shit I’m on this summer

Just celebrated paying my parking tickets by getting towed

Anne Boleyn be like ‘so no head?’

Guys being a bimbo is actually so hard, do you know how confused I get when everyone starts laughing at something and I have no idea why? What happened? What was funny? What does that mean? Why? Ohhh. (I still don’t get it.)

Go get ur nudes drawn NOW

Sorry can’t talk I’m bedazzling my sons soccer jersey

Just got picked first overall in the using too much hot sauce on my breakfast burrito draft

hey dude i don’t think you hate your body i think you just don’t have pants you like right now

Gonna call some stuff gay today to see peoples reactions

Finally…lesbian week of invisibility…

This is what car sex feels like when you’re over 6’0

You know what horse girls? I get it.

If i go to mpls pride again this year would any of my fwens there wanna see me?

can't believe i'm finally posting this but SELF-TITLED OUT ON ALL PLATFORMS!
LINK IN BIO!!

thanks for everything friends, be safe and we'll see ya soon 😋

Gonna go buy a suit today I think